When push comes to shove.

I have three beautiful children. My son is 4, and my daughters are 2 and 4 months. I, like most parents, have no idea what I'm doing, but hope I'm doing it right. I want my children to grow up as responsible, confident adults. My husband and I only hope that we are giving them the tools to become successful in life. We want our children to be better than we are, just as our parents wanted for us.

I was talking with a friend about a problem she was having with her son. He's in 5th grade and is a good kid. He's a pretty big kid, but don't let his build fool you. He's an extremely gentle boy. He's kind, and nurturing. The problem is this - other kids at school are picking on him. My friend is going through the same dilemma that I am. How do you teach your child to turn the other cheek, but also to stand up for themselves?

We want violence to be the very last resort for our children. We teach them that they're the bigger person for not fighting, and it is not worth stooping to the level of the bully. Hopefully the bully will go away when they discover that they're not going to get a rise out of picking on your kid, but what if they don't?

How long does your child let the situation go on before "telling"? Do they tell? Does that make it worse? Does it then just make your child the "tattle tale?"

My brother and sister-in-law are the best parents I've ever seen. Their kids are 11, 9 and almost 7. My husband and I truly admire them. They are good people. My sister-in-law has a cousin who's bad news. This woman has three kids and was heavily involved in drugs and all things bad. The state was going to take her children from her so she called my brother and sister-in-law to help. Out of the kindness of their hearts they took in her three kids so she could go into rehab and get her life turned around. After about a year the woman called up and wanted the kids back. The oldest boy, 12, didn't want to go. He had never been able to be a "kid." He had friends, was in school, was clean and cared for. His mother agreed to let him stay. Almost another year went by. Just before Thanksgiving it came to light that this boy had been beating up and emotionally abusing their youngest child who was 5 at the time. Their children knew the terrible situation this kid had been in and were just trying to do the christian thing to help him- so they kept their mouths shut. The older two girls just tried to defend their little brother. This had been going on for some time.

My brother and his wife weren't sure what was wrong, but knew their son wasn't right. It finally came out what was happening after having a family meeting while the older boy was out of the house. You can imagine how devistated they were as parents to find out that this was happening to their child, in their home, right under their noses. My sister-in-law blamed herself. She thinks that by teaching her children to be such "do-gooders," she taught them to be victims.

It's a fine line. Where do you draw it? Where is the line between turning the other cheek and just being a sissy? Where is the line between standing up for yourself and answering to every bully?

This parenting thing is some tough business. You only get one shot at it, and if you screw it up you may have just handicapped your child for the rest of their life - and maybe even for generations to come. You only hope you're doing the right thing, and if you're not, you hope you raised your child to be smart enough to see where you made your mistakes and not repeat them with their own children. I have no answers for my friend, my sister-in-law or even myself. We can only do our best and pray that it is the right thing.