The Jeans

I'm going to tell you a story. It's a story you may be familiar with, whether it be yours, your friend's, your sister's, your wife's or whomever. It's the story of "My Fat Butt In Jeans." "Oh," you say, "I DO know this story."

I have three children, hence I have the body of someone who has spit out three kids in the course of 4 years. It could be worse. I still think I look OK - until I see a photo of myself. But that's not really what the story is about... enter The Jeans. See, I have every intention of losing weight so I refuse to spend a lot of money on clothes. I don't plan on staying this size so what I do own has come from A) a clearance rack B) a thrift store C) Gabriel Brothers or D) Wal Mart. If you're overweight, then I'm sure we have similar wardrobes. There are a few things that fit just right, but if it's not perfect that's ok, because you don't plan on wearing it a year from now anyway. Am I right on this one? Now, don't get me wrong. I don't look like a mismatched fool when leaving the house, I look pretty good - especially when I wear my skinny jeans. Ah! The Skinny Jeans; The Sexy Jeans; The Hot Jeans; The Good Butt Jeans! Call them what you will, but no matter what size you are, you have that one pair of jeans that you feel thin in. You wear these jeans almost every day. Unfortunately with all the wearing of "said jeans" there comes a time when these jeans die.

I had a great pair of jeans. They were tight, but comfy. The waist was high enough to go over "the pooch," but not too high that it went half way up your back (i.e. Mom Jeans). The pockets hit perfect, and the length worked with sneakers or boots. I loved these jeans! Recently they started to wear and the fabric finally gave way, exposing a section of inner thigh that was a little too close to the goods - if you know what I mean. Now they're no longer appropriate to wear anywhere other than around the house and in the yard (because you WILL wear these jeans until the day they fall off of your body).

When this happens, you must start the new Skinny Jean search. Now, because you have kids you're not actually going to try too many pairs of jeans on because that's just a hassle. As a result, you gain a few pairs of Oh Well, They'll Work Jeans. I do need to caution you though. While shopping for a new pair of Skinny Jeans, try to resist the temptation to strangle the Hot Mom with what's left of your old Skinny Jeans. You know, the woman with the perfect figure and five kids - one still in an infant carrier - with her perfect hair and carefully applied makeup. Just pick that crusty God-knows-what off of your shirt and ignore her. Just stay focused on the mission - besides, that will be YOU soon..... once you hit your goal.

I have recently been in pursuit of the new Skinny Jean. I left several stores empty handed - refusing to settle with jeans that did not compliment my curves. I finally put my foot down. It's a small victory, I know, but I've decided that I have too many pairs of Oh Well, They'll Work Jeans. I just don't need another pair. The problem is that I still want to shop in the junior's section for the cute styles, but find the larger sizes are far and few between.

I have been doing my pilates and going to the gym and have been feeling pretty good about myself lately, so I really wanted to buy a good pair of jeans on the cheap - not a used pair. However the search ended up at the thrift store. Size 7, size 5, xs, xxs, 10, 5, s, s, m... nothing is working.... but wait! Am I reading the tag on this cute pair of jeans right??? They're right on the border. They might be too small, but maybe I've lost enough weight to get them over my hughmungo thighs! Darn, no fitting rooms! Well, they're Aeropostale (a store I've never even seen the inside of) and they're $4. I guess I'll give them a try. If anything, I'll lose enough weight eventually to fit into them... I hope.

I get the cute little jeans home and start to wonder if the tag is marked wrong. Maybe they're Gabriel Brothers rejects with the wrong tag that ended up at the thrift store after letting some other poor woman in search of Skinny Jeans down! Oh no! I try them on anyway- they cost $4 & that's a lot at the thrift store! It was a tight squeeze over the hips and I began to think I was on the losing end of this venture, but then it happened. You know the sound that pops into your head when the Heavens open and the angels sing? There was a glorious moment when the jeans slid past my hips, the button and the button hole met without too much sucking in, and voila! It was like a beautifully denim wrapped sausage! I have just found my new Skinny Jeans! I now have a pair of jeans to wear to family gatherings at the holidays when my husband's family all comes to town! I won't look like a thrown together mommy, but a hot-ish mommy! Merry Christmas to me!!!

Good Luck on your pursuit. May you find the same comfort, happiness and confidence that I have. And I'll be rooting that you find it for $4 too!