Finding contentment in sadness

Finding contentment in sadness... it's a strange phrase, isn't it? If you're a regular reader of this blog (which excites me to say that there are several of you!), then you know why I'm sad. Somewhere over the years, all the sad stuff has stacked up inside and I found myself sad all the time. I had noticed that I just don't laugh the way I used to. I can't take a joke, and I don't smile nearly enough. With the recent deaths we've experienced in our family, the sadness has just been overwhelming. It's like the dam broke and it was flooding me from the inside out. There were all these things from the past swirling around and getting mixed in with the new stuff. The only thing I could do to stop the flood was to pick each thing out of the pool before it blocked the drain.

We all have ways to deal with stuff like this. Some things work, others don't. But, if we're lucky, we find something or a combination of things that start to make us feel better. I mean really feel genuinely better through positive acts. I think I've become one of those lucky people recently.

So, what have I discovered with my new enlightenment? I've discovered a little peace of mind. I've discovered a few more smiles, a few more laughs, a few more kind words, and a lot of strength. Most of all I've discovered that yes, it sucks to hurt. It sucks to lose people you love. It sucks to lose battles you fought so hard in. There are a lot of things that suck, and it's ok to hurt; to cry; to stumble. Just know that you will get better. You will make it through, and it will hurt less, you'll cry less and yes, you'll once again stride.

It's going to take time, but it's going to get better. I take great comfort in "Yes, this sucks, but I'm going to be all right." I haven't had any comfort of any kind in while, and Lord knows I lost my strength along the way, but I've been "lucky" enough to reclaim them both. This sucks, but things are going to get better. I'm going to be all right.