I had no kids and three hours to myself! Should I repeat that? I think I will just because it excites me so much - I HAD NO KIDS WITH ME AND THREE HOURS TO MYSELF!!!! So, what would you do in this situation? I went to the mall, baby! I was so excited when I got there. I went to Summit Mall and entered in through Macy's. I looked around and hated everything I saw. Why do all the clothes look like old lady clothes? OH MY GOD - ARE THOSE JEANS WITH STIRRUP STRAPS AT THE BOTTOM??? (the answer was YES, by the way). Even when I did find something I liked it was way to pricey - even the clearance crap was too expensive. I'm cheap - not as cheap as some, but still cheap. I was going to allow myself to buy a pair of good jeans, but not over $50 and a new, super nice bra from "Vicky's" which was going to be about $50 too. I was hoping to round things off with a cute shirt or two and a nice dress. Yes, my friends - I was spending buck s on myself! It's not a regular thing to buy myself nice stuff.
I walked out of Macy's disappointed, but as I walked out I saw the illuminated shopping paradise infront of me. I, of course, went toward the light. I looked in the windows of Motherhood on the way by and admired the cute maternity stuff in the window while thinking how happy I was that I'm done with all of that pregnant stuff. The next stop was Express. The stuff in the window was so cool looking. Not a sole spoke to me as I entered. I saw the jeans and headed straight towards them. Hm, there's nothing over a 12 here, and I need a 14. I looked on the wall and couldn't find a 14 there either. I asked the ASSociate next to me (pretending she didn't see me) if they even carried size 14.
"Sorry, we don't carry plus sizes."
If I had been standing about 5 feet away from her I could have gotten a running start and drop kicked her skinny ass, but us plus sized fatties can't jump that high without a running start, so I had to make do with an insulted "oh, ok." as I turned and did the waddle of shame back towards the light. There had to be more for me out there.
American Eagle & Pac Sun blared the music so loud that I just didn't bother. One of them looked like all kid's clothes - was that AE too? The mall confused me. Where is a curvy girl to go for some jeans that don't come from the thrift store? Oh, Aeropostale. That's the brand my favorite thrift store jeans are! I tried on all of them & hated them all. When did bootleg turn into bellbottom? Why is it they're either "mom jeans" or else "coochie-hanging-out-jeans?" Oh well. I'll go bra shopping. That'll be fun!
The excitement is that I've lost enough weight that they actually carry my size in the store now - not the case a year or two ago. Yay, I guess. I tried on several, but couldn't decide which one to get. I wanted to ask the sales girl a few questions about them. I wanted her to help me decide & really allow me to have fun buying a $50 bra for no special occasion. She was too busy gossipping with some girl in sweatpants that was there picking up her paycheck. I wandered forever and finally gave up and left the store empty handed. I worked for VS for several years & we never would have left a customer stranded in the store like that. We were drilled at least three times a day on our customer service - to the point that I left, in fact. Oh, well. Let's move on.
Hey there's a GAP. I've never even been in a GAP before. Do I really want to go in there though? Don't the uppity people shop there? Oh well. I'm shopping for jeans and they have jeans - plus they get rock stars to do their commercials. I tried on so many pairs of jeans. There was a happy gay man who started to help me & I thought - OH this is going to be fun! He'll help me shop and find the perfect fit! When I came out of the fitting room he was gone, talking to the GAP Kids people on the other side. Aren't there any other gay men who will shop with me around? I guess not. I'll just get these jeans... and this shirt. I'm never going to find anything else, so these will do.
I continued on and stumbled upon B.Moss. Isn't that an old lady store? I'll look anyway. Oh, I found a super cute sundress in there. That was exciting! And I got a cute shirt that will be perfect for fall. Wow, my three hours is up already? That sucked kind of hard core. I've discovered that I'm fat and old in the course of traveling two-thirds way through the mall in three hours.
The next night I was off and my husband and I were going on a date with some friends to dinner and a movie. I decided to wear my new GAP outfit. By the end of the night all the stitches were coming out of my shirt and I realized why they were called "The GAP". The jeans grew as the night went on and they kept popping out from underneath my belt in the back and I hated them.. My husband even made a comment that I must be losing weight because those jeans don't fit me at all. Well, they did in the store (but he doesn't need to know that I just spent $50 on a pair of ill-fitting and unflattering jean less than 24 hours ago)! Now I'm stuck with a $70 outfit that I don't ever want to wear again!! Why did I bother?
The only thing that could have made it worse was if I had to buy a bathing suit.
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