My Ever Growing Bra

It's no secret that I've been dieting for some time now. Actually I should restate that a little - I've been working out, trying to lose weight. Dieting, I'm not so good at. If I could diet I would be a knock out! Unfortunately, I exercise and eat like semi-crap. Not complete crap - just semi-crap. The exciting thing is that I actually have noticed a difference. My badunkadunk isn't quite as badunk as it used to be. My arms aren't flabby when I flex them - which means they don't flab as much in day to day activity - right? I only have one chin - it's weak, but there's only one of them to complain about now.

Overall I've only lost about 10 pounds so far in the past 8 months. That doesn't seem like a very fair trade to me. They say it takes 9 months to gain it, give yourself 9 months to lose it. Now, since I'm still fat from when I had my first kid (I actually didn't really gain any weight with the next two kids...) and he's 4 1/2 years old now, does that mean it's going to take 4 1/2 years to lose it?

To justify my measly (but exciting) 10 pounds in my head I've come up with an array of flattering excuses -
-I've been working out and lifting weights - while trying to lose weight I'm gaining muscle - hence the slow weight drop (which is probably true)
-It doesn't matter what the scale says - I can notice a difference in my appearance and I feel good
- It may only be 10 pounds, but people around me are noticing and commenting - at least I'm not so overweight that people don't notice the weight loss until it's 50 pounds!
- my clothes are getting baggy (after I wear them a couple of times without washing them - then they're tight again).
I've got some more - but you've all heard them before. You've told yourself several of them, haven't you?

Here's the thing. My butt sits a little higher, but isn't really smaller. My waist is a little more defined, but not thinner, my arms don't wiggle as much, but also haven't really changed in size. Where exactly has this 10 pounds gone?

Come to think of it, where have my boobs gone? Is my bra growing? Every time I put it on there's another wrinkle across the cup. Are there bra gnomes that sneak into my house at night and use it as a trampoline and stretch it all out? What is going on here? Oh no. No, no, no. Don't tell me. Argh! I just realized where most of that 10 pounds came off at. Seriously? That's the last place I wan't to lose weight!

Why is this? When you get fat, the first place it goes is to your butt, your thighs, your hips and your belly. Now you're this pear shaped round on the bottom belly sticks out farther than your boobs person. None of us want to be that woman. As time goes on, you eventually get fat in the boobs too. Well, at least I have some nice cleavage!

The giant boobs are the one thing you kind of feel good about. They hide what's lying under them. They're like the little umbrella that hides what you don't want to see when you look straight down. All you see are big beautiful boobs! Yeah!

After a while, the big boob buzz wears off and you get off your ever expanding butt and try to do something about. You diet (note, YOU diet - I'm still trying to work on that one) & some people exercise. You start to lose weight and BOOM! Where did the big beautiful boobs go? They're always the first thing you lose. It's not my "jell-o belly", as my daughter said to me earlier this week that sent me to the bathroom crying; it's not the enormous thighs or the "Hugh Jass". It's the boobs! Is this our punishment for getting fat in the first place? you know, some people just can't help it - do they get punished with lack-o-boob too? Now I'm that woman!

Maybe this is your body's "poop or get off the pot moment". You have no boobs and a fat belly. You can give up, get your boobs back and never have to see the stretch marks below again, or you can work even harder - do the damn diet with exercise - and your hard work will reward you with cute boobs and a cute little waist and belly to match. Gosh, the big boobs just sound like the easier thing here, but ok, stupid little boobs, you win. You little boobs better be perky in the end or I'm gonna be pissed!