My Lil Bug

Lil Bug is 6 months now. What's exciting is that she's finally outgrown her 0-3 month clothes! What's even more exciting is that she started waving this weekend. It's that little backwards wave that babies do - it's absolutely adorable. She's a pretty laid back baby, yet gets really excited about things. Her eyes get big and she starts swatting at stuff (especially paper!) and rocking back and forth with her little toes pointed. It's great. She's got a great laugh too - all my kids do.

The thing that's different with her - more than with the other two - is the worrying. I worry about all of my kids (see earlier entry to prove what a freak I am), but her's is a little different. Things were going along smoothly for a few months, and then a few wrenches were thrown in. We went in for her 4 month check up and the doctor looks at me and asks, "Have I ever mentioned a hip click before? Because I don't see it here in my notes."

The next day we're off to Children's Hospital the for an ultrasound to check for hip dysplaysia. As soon as he mentioned the "click" I expected it. My sister developed it around 6 months. It's completely correctable, but the baby has to wear this horrible brace for months - still - it's correctable. That's all I care about.

As we sat there in the waiting room of the radiology department, I saw all these parents with their kids. A lot of the kids came in and made themselves at home, they knew all the nurses already. Some you could tell were really sick. I felt so bad for them and their parents. These were happy kids - and really their parents were happy too. This was their life, and their parents were making the most of it. I kept thinking how hard it would be to find out there was something horribly wrong with one of my kids, or even fatal. I wondered if I would be strong enough mentally to handle it. Then again, it's amazing what a parent has in them that they never knew was there until their kids need it.

Here I was with my little baby all snuggled up in her little carrier. I just smiled at her little face peeking out at me. Yeah, my baby might have a temporary problem, but it is temporary. I can handle that.

Back to the ultrasound room we go. The tech took a look and said, "Well, she doesn't have hip dysplaysia." Whew. But she kept doing the ultrasound, for a very long time. She had this strange look on her face too.

You know how you sit there wondering what's going on, but don't say anything because you expect someone to fill you in at any moment? Well, this woman wasn't filling me in. I finally asked if everything was ok.

"I don't know. Let me go get the radiologist."

She leaves the room while I'm wondering what is going on with my child. OH -God. One of the kids stepped on her and broke something - she's got the brittle bone disease - there's a tumor - WHAT IS GOING ON WITH MY CHILD?

The tech comes back with two other women and they start doing their own ultrasound.

"Yeah, I see it too - right there."
"Me too."
"Could you call Sue and ask her to come down here?"

Who's Sue? Why is she coming down here? Oh no! Her hip IS broken. Sue is from child services! She's coming to take my broken little baby away from me before the cops come and arrest me! Oh, God, oh God!

Enter Sue. "That's exactly what I see too."

I finally ask - what's going on???

I'm relieved that they're not going to take my baby and arrest me, but not to hear what else they had to say. It turns out that Lily has a bone abnormality in both of her hips. The femur comes up and makes a ball at the top that fits into the hip bone to form the joint, but Lily's femurs are sort of flat on the top. It's more of a semi-circle, I would say. It's very rare and that's why there were so many people in the room to look at it. No one believed they were seeing it - in one hip maybe, but both? Unheard of - especially in a baby. We went down a shot an x-ray to be sure the ultrasound machine wasn't playing tricks on us. Unfortunately it wasn't.

So, what does all of this mean, and what do we do? Well, we don't know. We just wait and see. As a parent I'm ok with this, but at the same time uneasy. We'll go back after her 1st birthday and take another x-ray to see if it's changed. By then she'll be moving around and we'll have a better idea as to how - or if- it's effecting her. Best case scenario is it will never cause her any trouble. Worst case scenario is that it will grind and cause her a lot of pain, early arthritis, a limp and early hip replacements (as soon as she's full size). That's a pretty large curve - especially for a parent who just wants to fix their child - now.

It's hurry up and wait for us, and who knows how long. Honestly, it sucks. At the same time, I suppose we should be grateful. If there's something wrong with our child, at least it's nothing life threatening. I keep thinking of those children and their parents in the waiting room. I know it's horrible to say, but thank God that's not us. This, I can handle.

We'll just take one day at a time, and pray that it all works out for the best - for Lily. In the meantime, she's the waving queen, the giggling girl and the wiggle worm that is our Lil Bug.