Hard Friends

Every one has that one friend. The friend that is really hard to be friends with, but you keep them around anyway. Our reasons may vary as to why they're hard to be friends with, and why we continue to keep them around. This doesn't make them bad friends, but it makes them hard friends.

I have one of these. I've known this person for almost 20 years. In those 20 years, their friendship was always a hard one, but also rewarding. Everyone would always ask me why I chose to spend so much time with this person, and my answer was always the same - because I like them & we have fun together. We could always share things we couldn't talk about with other people, be goofy and stupid the way we couldn't with other people, and cry in front of each other because neither of us would ever cry infront of other people. We really were the yin to each other's yang.

Over the years we've still managed to keep this friendship. It's still the same in some ways, but it has drastically changed in others. We can still share things with each other that we wouldn't necessarily share with anyone else. We can be goofy, but my friend is rarely in the mood to be goofy, or take a joke. She cries in front of me, but I rarely cry in front of her - it seems uncomfortable in a weird sort of way. She has changed, but hasn't at the same time.

She never has time for me unless she needs something, it seems. She has other friends that she goes off and acts goofy with. She spends her time with them and confides in them. She calls me when things aren't going right. I'm the person that gets all of her problems. Not everytime she calls, but most of the time.

Do I sound jealous? Well, I am. She was my friend, and now she has no time for me unless she needs me for something. I couldn't tell you the last time we went out together. I used to ask her to do stuff with me all the time, and then she would bail on me at the last minute. I still ask her to do stuff with me, but she's always got an excuse as to why she can't. The thing about it is that she calls me after ditching me to tell me about all the stuff she's done with all of these other people. She honestly doesn't think this hurts my feelings. She means no harm to me, but causes it all the same. I don't say anything to her about it, why add something to the list of woes crashing down upon her.

I bought my house almost two years ago and can count on one hand the number of times she's been in it. Even then it was with someone else, or for a birthday party. She practically drives by it every day.

She recently celebrated a birthday, or should I say didn't celebrate a birthday. She made plans with all her friends to go out together. She wanted to invite all her friends from work and everyone she was friends with outside of work too. I called that night to wish her Happy Birthday and found her at home by herself crying because everyone bailed on her. I was angry for a couple of reasons. First of all, how dare these people treat her like this. Secondly, why was I never invited? I even brought it up while she was sobbing on the other end of the phone. Normally I keep these things to myself, but I was so extremely hurt by this that I asked why I wasn't included. "Well, you have a family an I figured you were with them." Excuse me? Of course I'm with them - we all live together. Am I being punished for having a family? Is my family the reason why I've become the friend she doesn't actually want to spend time with, but is OK to come to when the chips are down? My husband doesn't keep me chained in the basement. I'm allowed to go out with my friends. Would I do it every weekend? No, but I would go out with my friend for her birthday. As a matter of fact, if this particular friend called and said I'll meet you in 5 minutes, can you be there? I would fly like the wind.

Then I sat and really thought about it. Why do I still chose to be friends with this person? The answer is because she needs me, and that's what friends are supposed to do - be there when they're needed. I'm not the person she wants to go out with and have fun with. Sure, she only calls me when her world is turning upside down. But that's why we were paired up. I'm her rock to lean on. I'm her consistency. I'm the person she feels safe to call when things are tough and I can listen without trying to fix everything. I can offer her my view on things to help sort things out. I can share with her, and we can still talk about things that we would never utter to anyone else.

I'm her glue, and her strength - and that's not a bad thing to be. Is it hard sometimes? Yes. Am I up to it? Yes. Friendships evolve, just as people do. Our friendship may not always be like this, but if it is, that's OK.

I still may get jealous, but I'll be fine. I've just come to accept that she needs me to be the pillar she leans on. I would be lying if I didn't say that I'm honored to be someone's pillar, but just every once in a great while it would nice just to be girlfriends going out to have a good time.